Sexual Abuse in Churches (posted by American Association of Christian Counselors)

This is one of many touchy, painful subjects we like to ignore, but burying our heads in the sand serves to hurt the victims of such painful abuse a second time.  The very first lady's retreats I did years ago was arranged by a woman whose father was an elder in one of our churches in TN.  He used to take her to his furniture store every Saturday morning and rape her.  She was a preteen.  After she left home, she confronted her dad and mother.  He went forward the following Sunday and resigned saying, "I have not lived like should and think it best that I resign."  That was it.  Her mother stayed with him and supported him, not her daughter.  It's an evil word we live in.  Satan knows how to hurt the most vulnerable of us.  Below is a post I received from the American Association of Christian Counselors today.  It's long but I found it worth reading.

Christians will always have differing opinions on issues such as theology. However, the protection of children and the loving of those who have been abused is one thing that all of us can agree on and work together to address in a way that mirrors Jesus."  If you would like more information or would like to schedule an interview with Mr. Tchividjian, please contact him at boz@netgrace.org.

A Public Statement Concerning Sexual Abuse in the Church of Jesus Christ

Recent allegations of sexual abuse and cover-up within a well known international ministry and subsequent public statements by several evangelical leaders have angered and distressed many, both inside and outside of the Church. These events expose the troubling reality that, far too often, the Church’s instincts are no different than from those of many other institutions, responding to such allegations by moving to protect her structures rather than her children. This is a longstanding problem in the Christian world, and we are deeply grieved by the failures of the American and global Church in responding to the issue of sexual abuse. We do not just believe we should do better; as those who claim the name of Jesus and the cause of the Gospel, we are convinced we must do better. In the hope that a time is coming when Christian leaders respond to all sexual abuse with outrage and courage, we offer this confession and declare the Good News of Jesus on behalf of the abused, ignored and forgotten. Through the media we have been confronted with perpetual reports of grievous sexual abuse and its cover-up. Institutions ranging from the Catholic Church, various Protestant churches and missionary organizations, Penn State, Yeshiva University High School, the Boy Scouts, and all branches of our military have been rocked by allegations of abuse and of complicity in silencing the victims. And while many evangelical leaders have eagerly responded with outrage to those public scandals, we must now acknowledge long-silenced victims who are speaking out about sexual abuse in evangelical Christian institutions: schools, mission fields and churches, large and small. And we must confess we have done far too little to hear and help them. Holocaust survivor and author, Elie Weisel, once said, "Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim…silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." When we choose willful ignorance, inaction or neutrality in the face of evil, we participate in the survival of that evil. When clergy, school administrations, boards of directors, or military commanders have been silent or have covered up abuse, they have joined with those who perpetrate crimes against the “little ones” – often children, but also others who are on the underside of power because of size, age, position or authority. It goes without saying that sexual abuse is criminal, but within the Church we also believe that it is the work of the enemy of our souls — evil, horrific sin perpetrated in dark and hidden places, forever altering lives and destroying the faith of the abused. How could such evil be present and overlooked in the body of Christ? Surely as his followers, we would do everything in our power to expose the deeds of darkness, opening the mouths of the mute, the afflicted and the needy. The Church must never hinder those who so desperately need to run to God and his people for safety, hope and truth, while also providing them protection from the great deceiver. But we have hindered the victims. By our silence and our efforts to protect our names and institutions and "missions," we, the body of Christ, have often sided with an enemy whose sole purpose is and has always been to destroy the Lamb of God and his presence in this world. Our busyness and inattention have often resulted in complicity in allowing dark places that shelter abuse to fester and survive. We must face the truths of our own teachings: To be a shepherd in the body of Christ and blind to the knowledge that your sheep are being abused by wolves in your midst is to be an inattentive shepherd. To judge merely by outward appearances is a failure of righteousness. To fail to obey the laws of the land as Scripture commands by declining to report and expose abuse is to be a disobedient shepherd. To be told that wolves are devouring our lambs and fail to protect those lambs is to be a shepherd who sides with the wolves who hinder those same little ones from coming to Jesus. To fail to grasp the massive web of deception entangling an abuser and set him or her loose among the sheep is to be naïve about the very nature and power of sin. To be told a child is being or has been abused and to make excuses for failing to act is a diabolical misrepresentation of God. To know a woman is being raped or battered in hidden places and silence her or send her back is to align with those who live as enemies of our God. Protecting an institution or organization rather than a living, breathing lamb is to love ministry more than God and to value a human name or institution more than the peerless name of Jesus. Dear church of Jesus Christ, we must set aside every agenda but one: to gently lead every man, woman and child into the arms of our Good Shepherd, who gave his very life to rescue us from the clutches of our enemy and from sin and death — who rose from the dead and called us to the safety of his side. As we follow this Good Shepherd, we will “eliminate harmful beasts from the land, make places of blessing for the sheep, deliver them from their enslavers and make them secure in places where no one will make them afraid” (Ezekiel 34:25-28). Surely it is for such a time as this that the Church has been empowered to boldly and bravely embody the Good News to accusers and accused alike, and to forsake our own comfort and position to love the hurting with an illogical extravagance. To all who have been abused, broken, deceived and ignored, we have failed you and our God. We repent for looking nothing like our Lord when we have silenced you, ignored you or moved away from you and then acted as if you were the problem. You are not the problem; you are the voice of our God calling his church to repentance and humility. Thank you for having the courage to speak truth. May God have mercy on us all and oh may the day come when his church reflects the indescribable love and compassion of Jesus, even to the point of laying down our lives for his precious sheep. Dated this 17th day of July, 2013.

GETTING BACK ON THE ROAD TO MODESTY

Christian Woman Magazine, a publication of Gospel Advocate, ran my article Getting Back on the Road to Modesty this month.  I have received numerous comments thanking me for writing it and some asking if they could use it in their Bible classes.  I post a copy of it here for those of you who do not get the magazine.  I thank the editor, Janie Craun, for making a few upgrades and selecting it and to Harding University for hosting a program honoring her as a wonderful choice for this position.

Getting Back to Modesty:  Television floods us with images of plunging necklines and miniskirts.  Similar exposures abound in many churches, where underwear has become outerwear with exposed undershorts, bras, and bra straps.  Hairstyles and attire are sometimes so identical that you cannot identify a person’s gender.  We might expect such dress among worldly crowds at the mall, but not at worship.  God condemns conforming to the world’s standards (Ezekiel 11:12; Romans 12:2).

Immodesty should cause shame, and when leaders do not insist on modest attire for worship, that should create additional concern.  Silence implies approval, and Paul warned us not to condemn ourselves by what we approve (Romans 14:22).

Where We Are Headed:  After Adam and Eve sinned, they wove leaves into clothing, but God required better coverage.  He covered them with skins and was equally concerned about the exposure of both sexes.  During Old Testament days, worship of God required garments symbolizing dignity and honor (Exodus 28:2).  Priests wore beautiful robes and undergarments stretching from waist to thigh to hide their nakedness while ministering at the altar (v.42).  However, pagan worshipers dressed seductively or stripped naked.  What degree of exposed nakedness during our worship do you think God considers over the limit?

Recall how Ham was cursed for seeing his father’s nakedness (Genesis 9:22, 25).  Remember how stripping Jesus of His outer garment when nailing Him to the cross caused Him more humiliation (John 19:33).  Then, immodesty was cause for embarrassment.  Paul cautioned us not to be like the Gentiles, losing sensitivity and giving ourselves to sensuality (Ephesians 4:19).

Are we so desirous of dressing like the world that we are willing to ignore God’s commandment, “Be holy, because I am holy” (I Peter 1:16 NIV84)?  Modesty cannot make us holy; only Jesus’ blood can do that.  But we should dress to honor such a lofty status rather than in a way that would suggest we are pagan in our beliefs.  Does our dress show more respect for special events that honor others, such as weddings and funerals, than it does for our observance of the Lord’s sacrifice?  Have we become so calloused we forget that worship puts us in the presence of our most Holy God?

Our society has become comfortable dressing casually.  So much so that when I taught college, I had to announce that navels are the ugliest part of the body.  Afterward, no girl dared to flaunt hers.  I also told men that their low-hanging jean, with exposed undershorts, were offensive, and if I saw them again, they would not pass the course.  As Christians, have we become so comfortable that we think nothing of dressing irreverently while worshiping God?

Maybe it is time to ask ourselves these questions.  Does God find immodesty offensive?  Does showing off our upper legs, by either gender, honor Him?  Does the woman who wears a see-through dress without a slip offend?  What about the woman who wears shorts rolled so high her underwear is exposed when she bends?  Or the one who wears an outfit with armholes so large they reveal her bra?  Or the one with clothing glued to her buttocks or with a slit in her skirt that hints at more?

I fear we are sliding toward Jeremiah’s description:  “You have the brazen look of a prostitute; you refuse to blush with shame” (Jeremiah 3; 3).  How can we teach our children to develop a conscience that is sensitive to modesty when we allow this kind of attire and even dress the same way?

Why and How We Should Stop.  Paul told Timothy women should dress with modesty, decency and propriety, not with fancy clothes and jewelry that was typical of pagans and prostitutes (1 Timothy 2:9-10).  Paul’s concern was not elegant dress.  God sanctioned the wearing of jewelry (Song of Songs 1:10-11) and nice clothes (Proverbs 31:22).  Rather, Paul cautioned against drawing attention to self to the point that one is distracted from doing God’s work.  Today, Paul would caution men in the same way.

God does not look at outward appearances in the same way we do.  God looks at the heart (1Samuel 16:7).  That is where immodesty and all other sins begin.  Our hearts should focus on promoting the gospel—not on under dressing so as to be comfortable, stylish, or noticeable, or because we are too lazy to dress better.  Our dress and actions reveal what we believe more than anything we might say.  Our dress mirrors our morals and character and the degree to which we have become like Christ.  It should reveal to others that we refuse to conform to today’s sex-crazed culture.

We should also be aware that our dress has a direct influence on the men around us.  While preparing to speak at a woman’s program on the subject, three men asked if I would tell women to stop wearing low necklines to worship because it is a distraction to them when passing communion trays.  Christian women are not to become s stumbling block to their brothers.  Exposed cleavage and glaring legs cannot help but attract eyes and leave thoughts that are distracting.

Often we hear women say lust is a man’s problem.  “Get your mind out of the gutter,” some say.  But this ignores the fact that she might be filing his mind with stimulating pictures.  God holds a man accountable for dwelling on lustful thoughts (Matthew 5:28).  But women are answerable for displaying images that make such thoughts unavoidable.  Jesus said things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to the person through whom they come.  It would be better for that person to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around her neck than to offend one who is weak (Luke 17:12).

While men are visually oriented, women respond more to sounds, like romantic words and music.  According to Helen Fisher, author of the The First Sex, women are twice as likely to think about a man’s emotional characteristics because her sexual focus centers on a relationship’s emotional aspects.  Thus, women can dress provocatively without realizing the impact it has on men.  I believe this describes many women in our churches.  They are not thinking about the temptations their dress presents.

Fathers are to be the spiritual leaders in the home.  As such, they are answerable for their daughters’ dress.  If dad doesn’t teach his daughter about the influence sparse dress has on a male, some teenage boy might.  But because mothers tend to be the ones who select their children’s clothing, it is possible that we overstep the modesty boundary because we do not realize how males think about scanty dress.  For this reason, a man should let his wife know when she or the kids need to change their dress, and the wife should encourage her husband to dress like a spiritual leader who honors the Lord.

“But it’s all you can find in the stores!” some will say.  The fact is all department stores sell some modest clothing.  We might have to search longer to find it, but it is possible.

Paul cautioned the church there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or impurity among Christians, because such is improper for God’s people (Ephesians 5:3).  It is time we examine whether we are allowing ourselves to be sucked into the world’s standards. “Clothed with Jesus” (Romans 13:14) means mean dress like God’s spiritual leaders; women will dress as women’ and cleavage, legs, midriffs, and underwear will be reserved for one’s spouse – and no one else!