Daniel Levinson wrote Seasons of a Man’s Life and Roger Gould Transformations. Both books examined the changes men go through
as they age and face multiple experiences.
Because no one had studied the changes in a woman’s life, I chose this
for my research study and interviewed women holding senior level positions at
universities where the majority of positions are filled by men.
A significant finding of my
study proved women who pursue high level positions received support and push
from their fathers. He received credit
for their success in school and careers.
An important finding for
marriages was that while many men wrestle with changes between ages 40 and 45,
women hit a similar desire for change between ages 31 and 35, with 32 being the
most frequent. If a homemaker, she wants
out of the house. She may return to
school, become a full-time volunteer or pursue a career. If she works outside the home, she wants a
child. No matter her current state, she
feels driven to make a change.
Fortunately, men at this age have settled into a full-time job or
advanced education and has no desire to make a change. Thirties for man prove a time to show what he
can accomplish. He wants to write that
book by age 40 or advance as high as possible in his job, or have his own
business running well. When a woman hits
the early 40s, she has settled down and wants to fulfill her 30s change. Otherwise, men and women might kill each
other if they hit crisis at the same times.
Certainly, the divorce rate would be higher.
A woman faces a lesser drive
at age 50-55. Her push is to realize her
goal, whatever it is. Her husband,
however, is ready to relax and slow down some.
He wants to travel more, spend more time with the kids. With the kids now out of the nest, she no
longer feels a need to chase them and thinks he wouldn’t either if he had been
there when they were little. She would
rather work than play. She has things
she still hopes to accomplish.
What makes such times a
crisis, is a turning inward of the person’s thinking. Crisis thinking becomes, “After
all I gave up for you and the kids, it’s my turn to have some of life’s goodies.” The idea of Biblical serving is so remote
they can’t define it, let alone do it. Life is all about self and ‘what I want,
when I want it.’ It’s like an adult body
carries a selfish, two-year old brain. Sadly,
when the ages of most changes (40-45 men; 31-35 women) become a crisis, little
talking to them can help. It’s as though
the brain freezes on self interests and can’t be thawed.
I know women who tried to wait out their husband’s crisis only to find their legal two year time required
for obtaining a divorce expired before his three year crisis ended. He obtained
the divorce, bought the long gold necklace, convertible, married another, and
later regretted it, but it proved too late to reverse things.
Without consciously thinking
about it, most at crisis period are struggling with their own immorality. They realize how short life is and fear they
are going to die without having accomplished all they wanted. However, during a crisis they lose sight of
heaven and that with right living the best still lies ahead, not in the things
they missed.
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