THREE TESTS OF FAITH

THREE TESTS OF FAITH

(entered in Arkansas Christian Writer's short story contest of how you faith impacts your family)

 

            The word pacemaker sounds more than a little unsettling when you have an irregular heartbeat.  In February, my beat dropped to less than 25 per minute.  I was continually exhausted.  At a friend’s recommendation, I explored another option and sought a doctor who performs heart ablations.  This procedure kills the cell causing the missed beats and usually eliminates the need for a pacemaker.  I jumped at the alternative.

            Only surgery didn’t go well. The bad cell was attached to the outside of my heart and couldn’t be reached.   As the surgery ended, I was fully awake and began yelling, “Oh, it hurts!  It hurts!  My ears, my throat, my shoulders, my chest hurt!”   The surgery nurse cried, “Her pressure is dropping!”  The doctor jammed a probe deep into my chest.  I screamed louder.

            The doctor suggested that my husband should phone the children.  I might not make it.  My husband and the ICU nurse patiently tolerated my all night shrieking, “Oh!  Oh!  It hurts!” 

            Once home, I continued having pain.  The following week I returned to the hospital to conduct more tests.  My heart was surrounded with fluid, but I was not satisfied with the results.  My stomach ached, not just my chest.

            The doctor prescribed a strong steroid.  My face swelled, but that wasn’t all bad.  It filled in lots of my wrinkles, and the side-effect of only sleeping two to four hours per night provided abundant time for completing a book I was writing.

            A week later, I insisted on tests to determine why my stomach hurt.  The physician ordered a CAT scan.  As I completed the test, a nurse met me with a wheelchair, saying I had blood clots in both lungs and would die if they didn’t immediately get me to ICU and begin administering shots of a strong blood thinner.  Again my husband phoned the children. 

            During a friend’s visit, I laughed about the side-effects of the steroid and now of the blood thinner.  When asked how I could laugh during such a traumatic and dangerous ordeal, I explained, “I resolved facing death three years ago while vacationing in Athens, Greece.  I spent 10 days in a Greek hospital because of an allergic reaction to an ear ache medicine that I brought from home.  In addition to being seriously ill, I became totally deaf.  I was left with permanent hearing loss and am thankful for hearing aids.  During the hospital stay, I continued weakening in spite of having antibiotics and IV fluids pumped into my arms around the clock.  On the fifth day, I asked my husband to read Psalm 23, and, afterwards, I told him I thought I was dying.  Once you genuinely believe you are dying, you make peace with God and death.  You no longer fear dying.  You actually feel peaceful.  At least, I did.”

            My daughter insists that I am like a cat with nine lives, and, after this heart ordeal, I have now used three of them.  But we all know the truth.  God just isn’t ready for me yet.  I hope it means I have His blessing for my writing and speaking.  Besides, I want to meet God with a smile on my face.  It’s the example of faith that I want to model for my husband and children.

 

A SAD SHOCKING WEEK CAN WAK US FOR OUR NEED FOR GOD

A SAD SHOCKING WEEK CAN WAKE US FOR OUR NEED FOR GOD

     Boston’s marathon shocked the world when two men killed and injured people they didn’t even know.  Days later, a huge pot party was held in a city park in Colorado where another was shot.  Shots rang out at multiple schools this week.  Recently at our local grocery store, policemen stood handcuffing three people who had robbed the store. 

     We can’t control how others act, no matter how much we wish we could.  Such events raise our awareness of how little control we actually do have.  We like pretending we have control over our own lives, but we don’t.  It could have been any of us at the marathon.  Rod and I were at the finish line just a few years ago, cheering the runners.  All of us shop for groceries and visit parks.  Our kids attend school.  At any time we could encounter people creating havoc and find ourselves in their way.  We cannot predict when we might become another’s target.  Yet, we think we are in full control of our lives when the only real control we have is how we react to such events and how we behave when tempted to be the one doing wrong. 

     When it’s a public tragedy involving multiple people, sympathy is expressed around the world.  Hearts break for the hurting and their families.  Funerals cannot accommodate all the attendees, and worship services overflow the following weekend.  We seek God when we finally admit we have no control, and think, “It could have been me.”  

     We need to let such disasters serve as personal reminders and lessons for teaching our children that Satan is the culprit.  Satan has tremendous power, and he uses people for doing his evil acts.  Scripture says that Satan prowls around looking for someone to devour.  We are told to flee from him, and he can’t use us to do his evil work unless our hearts are ripe for his picking.  Satan cares nothing about the ones he uses or the people destroyed.  He only wants to hurt the Lord and using us is how he does it.   Satan is in constant battle with God, and when he uses us for harming others, it breaks God’s heart -- and Satan is ecstatic. 

     The only genuine control we have is when we call on the Lord, who promises to help us defeat Satan.  We can’t do it alone, but God can.  

SHOULD CHILDREN SEE THEIR PARENTS ARGUING?

 

                         SHOULD CHILDREN SEE THEIR PARENTS ARGUING?

     The answer depends on which psychologist you ask.  Some say rarely;  others say it depends on what the argument is about.  All agree it depends on how a couple argues.  If the disagreement disintegrates into name calling, an exchange of insults, or one storming from the house, then children do not belong in such an environment. 

     Little ears are always listening and learning how disagreements are best handled.  But children are not your only audience.  God is always present too.

     If you were reared in an argumentative home, it may feel natural to argue.  In fact, some people feel an emotional high by strongly disagreeing, and they do not have to be angry.  However, if you were reared in a home where differences were buried, you may find raised voices extremely frightening.  Children carry into their own marriages what they observed mom and dad doing.  And sadly, they often have a lot to unlearn.

     The purpose of arguing is usually to verbally enforce one’s wishes on another.  Wanting your way is normal, and it’s acceptable when you faithfully practice letting each other interject a differing opinion and then work together seeking a solution that’s agreeable to both.  That way you keep compromise the goal, not winning.  However, if you begin attacking each other’s character and personality, the goal becomes marital destruction, not problem solution.  Such behavior is not healthy for the spouses, and it’s extremely damaging for children.

     Research shows that even one year olds become distressed when parents use harsh, loud words.  Other research discovered that kids reared in homes with high levels of family discord suffer brain dysfunction similar to that of soldiers in combat.  Children do not have to hear raised voices to be negatively impacted.  They recognize angry tension, hostile looks, and sulking smirks and react as if personally attacked, exhibiting jumpy, edgy fear.  Raised hostile voices coming from another room are no better.  A child who does not understand what’s happening fills in the mental void, and they always think the worse. 

     There are some topics that children should never be privy, like sex, a spouse’s failings, serious money issues, and in-law problems.  They need to be shielded from topics that are too deep for them to understand.  Plus, remember that children will likely tell grandma and their teachers what they overhear.

     However, if the issue is one that parents will likely resolve with compromise, then observing the parents can be a valuable learning experience.  For example, deciding which programs on TV to watch, where you will eat, or where to go on vacation can provide children a positive learning opportunity, provided you model taking turns or one deferring to the spouse’s desire because one spouse really cares and the other cares less.  Then children learn about submitting, because you modeled healthy disputing.  

     When children observe parental disagreements, psychologists insist that the children should be told of the solution.  Children need to learn that parents can disagree and still love each other.  So tell them you always love each other, will work out the problem, and will let them know how you resolve it.  You stay the mature acting ones and let your children act like the kids in the family.  Pray about the issue before you begin your discussion, and you likely keep God and your kids pleased with how you behave.