Do Women Experience a Mid-Life Crisis?

    A few years ago, Dr. Daniel Levinson published a book about mid-life crisis for men, and Dr. Roger Gould published a similar book.  Dr. Levinson’s book focused on the type of changes men make at certain ages; Dr. Gould’s explored the stages men go through and what each stage involved.  Both books were preceded by a book by Gail Sheehy, who had interviewed both men and ‘stole’ their research (Dr. Levinson’s word, not mine).  Gould sued Sheehy for plagiarizing his unpublished research, and he won.

    At that time, no one had looked at women to see if they experience similar changes, so I selected this as my dissertation research project.  I chose high achieving women, in the field of education. Typically, education at all levels employs more women, and they do the classroom teaching.  When it comes to the top positions of university presidents/provosts/vice-presidents in our larger schools that provide graduate degrees, these titles are predominately held by men. That trend continues today. At that time, there were 39 women holding top slots in US universities in 30 states.  Maryland, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, and South Carolina each had two women holding top positions in different schools. I interviewed 38 of these women in their offices.  Each interview took approximately five hours.  I asked professional and some very personal questions from a structured interview guide that shared many similarities with the one Dr. Levinson used with men.

    Thirty-six of the women were White; two Black.  Most came from middle class backgrounds, some from very poor environments, only one grew up in a wealthy home. The vast majority of the women paid their own way to school, some with scholarships, some with part-time and summer jobs, and most acquired school loans.

    A couple of things immediately stood out about these women. First, they were extremely warm, and hospitable. They cracked the glass ceiling without losing charm or femininity. They appeared calm, happy, and smiled a lot.  Their offices smelled of fresh flowers and pots of hot coffee brewing with cups available for serving others. Family pictures adorned their desks.  Nothing reminded me of a typical man’s office.  I felt comfortable like I had visited in their homes and had known them for years.

    Second, it was their fathers who influenced them to continue their education and succeed.  Not one woman credited her mother for her attending college or graduate school. Their dads began discussing college attendance with them while they were young children.  If they encountered an obstacle, the father fought to find a way to help overcome it.  For example, one woman wanted to be a veterinarian, but, at that time, only one veterinarian school in the US allowed a woman to attend, and that school did not accept girls who were white.  Her father, the only rich family of my group, offered to build a new building for several colleges that provided veterinarian degrees if they would let her attend but to no avail.  She acquired a Ph.D. in education instead but still yearned to work with animals.  All the women had doctoral degrees and about half interned with the Department of Education in D.C.

    The home lives of these women seemed typical of today. Some were married with children, some married without children.  A single woman adopted a child in another country with no plan to marry.  Two who were single admitted having affairs with single men with whom they traveled frequently.  While these two had no plans to marry, they did work to keep the affairs private.  No woman lived with a man, unless married to him.  Some divorced, and two divorced more than once. Of the divorced, all but one assumed full responsibility for the care of any children, and this woman’s ex was rearing one child and she cared for their other child.  When school business required the women to travel, all reported that their mothers came to stay with their children, and mature babysitters filled in when their moms couldn’t. 

    One woman had a commuter marriage, and she described her marriage as happy and extremely good. She lived in an upper northern state, while her husband resided in southern California.  He commuted each weekend, arriving late Thursdays and leaving on a red-eye flight Sunday night.  Between their children’s ball games and eating, this couple spent most of their weekends together in bed.  All the women worked long hours, and all believed in God but about half attended worship services on a regular basis.  Money was not a factor that influenced the jobs they had.  In fact, many thought they were over-paid.  They loved the challenges and felt they made a difference in the lives of others.  All, but one, mentored a younger female.  Five asked to nominate me for a sabbatical in Washington DC with the State Department of Education, one that pushed them onto a fast-track for their current positions, but my children came first.  They were at ages that I did not believe they could relocate without serious upheaval in their lives.  I have never regretted that decision.  I have enjoyed many of my jobs, but I love my children more.

    Since the interviews, I followed several of the women. Some moved from president of a large university to become provost over a state-wide system.  Some retired, and some moved into teaching.  Some accepted similar positions at other universities.  One was elected governor of her state when her governor husband died.  One became a full-time minister.

    Regrettably, my major advisor would not allow me to write my findings like I wanted.  I spent numerous hours talking with Dr. Levinson processing my findings and wanted very much to follow the style of his book. However, in order to complete my degree, I had to write it in typical, boring, research format.  Still, the style did not change my findings.  I did find that many women go through fairly drastic changes and at very specific ages.  In my next blog I will explain what causes these stages to seem a crisis for some people and the different ages men and women face real lifestyle shifts.  It’s another area where men and women differ.  Many times I think God made us more different than alike and the findings that I share in my next blog prove that it’s probably a good thing He did.